Date:	2006-04-19 22:00
Subject:	boooga boo!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Booga booga booga, I really am happy despite that long entry before this one:)

Date:	2006-04-19 21:31
Subject:	It's pretty obvious...or not.
Security:	Public
Mood:	dorky

It's pretty obvious that everyone has their own problems and things going on in their lives. I definitely have that right now. I mean I am pretty sure I am more confident than ever but at the same my confidence has been knocked under and I sometimes feel like a scared little puppy. I know how much I have right now and I know I could lose it. Falling in love so young is a scary thing. It isn't like I planned it, and it also isn't fair. I have fears right now of loss. I also have thoughts of being the one to leave. It isn't like I'm not ready for any of this. Actually I am very ready, and I know what I have and want. Is what is said in the heat of the moment in an argument, then taken back after wards deep down true? Or should I let all of what was said go now? The truth is I have let most of it go. I have told myself over and over that everything is fine. He has gone out of his way since this fight to make it right, and show me he loves me in great ways like amazing text messages at 4am and just complete and utter sweetness.

Even though we made up, and his actions show how much he loves me, that doesn't mean he wants me in the long run. I KNOW how things can be fine one minute, and completely messy and out of order the next minute. That ridiculous argument got way out of hand! And yet little things can really make me upset to the point where I can start thinking "should I be bailing and running away?". I wont leave him for this stupid argument, but it scares me. I don't want to be crushed again, nor do I deserve it, but it isn't about who deserves what. It's a matter of me being smart and mature about each situation. It's crazy how little words make up entire sentences, which make up thoughts, which can hurt or help people. I just know I'm a fool for love. I'm proof that stupid, out of hand words can really make you think, and really make you evaluate situations. I just need to let all of this go, and know that things get out of hand sometimes, and people say things that aren't true. I just need to let what was said go. I just need to let what was said go. I just need to let what was said go. He didn't mean it Katie, not everyone is out to hurt you.
-Katie

Date:	2006-04-13 17:19
Subject:	Seder#2
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

It's passover. Yesterday was the first seder at my house. It was really good. That was the first time in over a month that I didn't write any nutrition stuff down (usually i write down the nutrition of every single thing i eat). I lost 7 lbs so far which is good, but I want to lose some more just to feel better. Tonight the seder is at the synegogue, I hope the food is good:) Tomorrow AM I am going back to Lancaster just for one class which is cut in half because she made it only a half day, then I am coming back to MD again! Umm..I don't know what else to say and I'm bored:)

Date:	2006-03-25 19:32
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	None

Tonight I'm going to Jon's house to sleep over. We are going to see Inside Man. It got really good reviews! 3.5 stars on Hollywood.com and 89% on Rottentomatos.com. It looks good, although I have no idea what it's about. Right now I'm just sitting around my house with Cappy waiting an hour and a half to pass so I can leave for his house ( college park is an hour away from me).
Tonight I had oatmeal for dinner. I have been counting and writing everything I put in my mouth down on paper, and its calories, total fat, sat. fat, cholesterol, fiber and protein content. I have limited myself to 1400 calories a day, and not much fat. It's been two weeks and I've lost 4lbs. I want to lose 15 more, or until I feel great and I think it will be easy. The only thing I find hard is eating meat, because usually meat is a lot of calories.
Today for example: For breakfast I had cream of wheat with milk and sugar. For lunch I had a bagel with a little butter and a tablespoon of jelly, and for dinner I had a big bowl of oatmeal. That leaves me with over 600 calories left that I can have, and I am pretty sure I am getting popcorn tonight at the movies as a treat to myself. As long as I write this stuff down, I think I will do really well because it is so easy. I'm trying to make sure I get enough protein. On the 31st of this month, Jon and I will have been back together for an entire year since our break up. If you don't count our time apart, we will have been together for about 2 years and 5 months. Wow. It never feels like we took time apart. I feel like the time we spent not together made us who we are now, and really brought us closer and more mature about our relationship.
I got a B on my art history test, which I was extremely happy about because it was so hard to study for having 18 credits right now. I got a B on my social issues paper about puppy mills as well, which I was happy with. I am trying to get this semester done with! Four weeks to go. My school gets out earlier than most schools, and then it is time for my internship (200 hours), which should be easy and over with very quickly if I work full time. Hopefully it will be a paid internship. I sent my resume out to about five people, I'm sure at least one will want me, lol.

Arrivederci,
Katie

Date:	2006-03-24 12:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	good
Music:	Ace of Base - Tokyo Girl

I haven't written in a long time in this journal. I love looking back and reading my journals. Doing that lets me see how much I've changed.
School is tough right now. I have massive amounts of work and I am also worrying about birthdays and an internship, and getting a new roommate for the fall. This will be four roommates in four years. Good going Katie!! (rolls eyes).
I love my roommate Bryn now. She is perfect living with except for the fact that she is messy and leaves the appt. dirty. I just think we get along perfectly. Usually it is hard for me to find people who I can deal with because I have a strong personality and I conflict with others who have strong personalities as well.
I need to change my live journal to not be all about the notebook. WTF. I love that movie to death but I'm not obsessed with it anymore because I kind of have my own fairy tale, love story going on. I am on lunch break right now in the class Interactive Computer Design from 10-5, then I am going back to Maryland. Classes on Fridays SUCK, especially when they are all day long. My senior year (next year) I don't think I have any classes on Friday. Okay, time to eat some lunchy!
Arrivederci,
Katie

Hey everyone, I'm in school right now. It's 8:51 and my class starts at 9:00. It is a 7 hour class, then I have another class from 4:15-5:45...then ANOTHER from 6:00-7:30. OMG what am I going to do with myself today. First days are usually easy...but not in my case because I go to art school and they have us doing things from the first second on. Anyways have a good day, arrivederci.
--Katie

Date:	2005-12-30 11:47
Subject:	Been a while! Wud up?
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

It's been a while once again, lately I just don't feel inspired to write about my life. Probably because it is just the same old stuff. I am still so in love with my Jonny. I am still the same me. Right now I am watching Jerry Springer (not one of my usual shows). I just got my grades from this semester, I got really good ones which is great for my insurance! Ummmmm, yah that's about it. I'm bored and boring, lol.


-Katie

Date:	2005-10-29 11:01
Subject:	Not much
Security:	Public
Mood:	hungry

I really don't know what to say in here anymore. My last post was a while ago now. Last night Jon came over and we went to Akbar Palace and then to See Saw 2. I think Indian food is amazing, and especially my Dad's, but Akbar is pretty amazing too. Saw2 was discusting and gorry, and kind of good. Lol, I say kind of because I don't know if I loved it or if I just liked it. I need time for it to just be like BAHM! That was an amazing movie..or BAHM! It was just...okay. I am so hungry right now and there is no food in my house in MD at all. Tonight is the Lovedrug concert in Lanc Lanc..Jackie and I are going to go together. I am pretty freaking excited. First I need to have my car looked at (it is doing this weird shaking thing).
Much love,
Katie

Love is all there is
Forgetting the world exists
Craving it's touch
Missing it soo much
If people don't have love
Then how can they see
All the beauty in this world
Moonlight in my eyes
It's the only one around
To let my hair down
It's the only thing I've found
That puts me together
When I'm broken

mounds of history
tied up to my heart
this is a love song
this is a sad song
unrealistic fears
everytime i look in the mirror
scared of losing you
in every way
this is an okay day
why is it so scary
the the thought of us
at an end
why do i continue to shake at night
why do i pretend
that i've already lost you
so i know how it will feel
when you fall in love
with someone else
when my body is cold
and empty like a shell
the stories been told
a billion times in my mind
i already know how it will end
me fearing
me losing you
all because i keep acusing you
of changing
or of cheating
when the only thing
that was going on
was the story i made up
was completing.

new beginnings
new ends
where our life takes us
that depends

hold on to the past
or live on to the future?
for every cut
there is a suture

acnowledge the scar
but let it fade
for the deeper story
should never be betrayed

sometimes it goes down smooth
sometimes it burns
no matter how bad
always is a story to learn

don't hold on forever
to the things that break your heart
and don't forget
every end has a new start

(by: me)

WOAH WE LOOK SOOOOO MESSED UP!!

Today was kind of fun I guess. I got to sleep in kinda, well I had to set my alarm but not till kind of late so it was ok. I went to see Batman Begins with my dad..We were going to see War of the Worlds again but my parents decided to see Batman Begins..I was going to go see it with my mom as well but she bailed at the last second. I thought the movie was pretty good overall and I liked the ending which is more than my boyfriend and I could say for War of the Worlds.. After the movie was over we went home, and all left to go to Friendly Farms which was good as always. I love going there, it just feels so homey, haha. Tonight we were going to go watch fireworks in Catonsville but instead decided to stay home and watch Hostage which was good. I am so movied out from today though, lol. Tomorrow I have to take my car in to the shop to have it looked at, and then take my mom to work so I can use her car while mine is being looked at. Twelve more days until Myrtle Beach, I can't wait to get away from all of this, from working my ass off, and just seeing Maryland every every day. And I can't wait to spend time lying on the beach and at the pool with no worries except sun burn, lol.

Date:	2005-06-29 23:08
Subject:	Behind it.
Security:	Public
Mood:	weird

Every time I look in the mirror
I see some blur looking back
Why can’t I just love this person,
Myself.
Flaws and all the mistakes.
Every moment spent with him,
I fall in love all over again.
So
Take me away from this place
To a disturbed lake,
With the moons reflection.
Take me to a heated discussion.
Take me to our wild,
Perspiring tasty endeavors.
Sweaty drenching nights
Hair dripping with satisfaction.
Wow,
There are scratches on my ass.
Pull me closer, do it harder.
I scream, bite my lip and moan.
In love.
With the power and heat of time.
Fuck is an amazing word.
Ten-thousand kisses.
Grow in strength with occasion.
Each one with a different intense
Story.

Date:	2005-06-27 21:17
Subject:	Another one..
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

What do you do when you feel like your whole life around you is derailing and you have only one support beam left. You feel so thankful that it's still standing but feel as though it may not stay up forever. What do you do when you feel as though you can never get yourself to be exactly who you want to be? Or when you work at a retail clothing store and the larges don't even fit you. Or when everyone who tries things on is always half of your size, and you aren't even big. Or perhaps when there is a shirt in the store you work at that says "nothin' wrong with a little junk in the trunk" and a colleague tells you that she thinks you should buy it. She probably meant nothing by telling me that, but I really wish I was smaller. What is this world coming to? It hurts to look in the mirror and want to be something else. The only time I am happy with myself is when I am with my boyfriend Jon. And that is because for some reason when I'm with him I let go of myself and see that he really loves the way that I am. It's so depressing that I will never be a size 5. I really love food, I mean I do, and for me to be that I'd have to starve myself, and it may not be worth the suffering I would endure. I just got in the house from the movies with my Mom, then crying in the car to her about never measuring up to what I want to be, or never having enough trust or faith in my life. I hate that even when I'm happy with my life or the people I love I have this huge fear it wont last, that they will leave me, or run away, and I will be alone, sad and cold.
Till next time,
Katie

Sitting around three hours before I need to be at work. 4-10 today is going to really suck. But what makes it better is I get Peanut Butter as soon as I get home. Nothing better than good peanut butter to swell me up and make my throat close, haha. Twenty-six days until Myrtle Beach, and yes, I am pretty excited. It will kind of be like re-living some of my childhood, but only because I haven't been there in about six years. I am so happy I get to take Jon with me to experience it. Yesterday I was in the dollar store and got glossy photo paper (20 sheets) for a dollar. How nutso is that? Anyways I don't have much to say right now so I'll post again later.

Date:	2005-06-15 08:57
Subject:	tired
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Hey y'all what's goin on? Me, well...I've been so tired and it feels like poop. My two days off a week I have to wake up earley for something or another and I hate it. Today I don't work until 4:00pm but I had to wake up for a doctors appointment and some might say..."take a nap when you get home before you have to work", but the truth is when I get home I will probably have something else I have to do, or I wont be home until 1 hour before I need to leave for work. Everything else is going fine, I'm working my ass off STILL at a job with really sketchy things happening. For one, 20 dollars was missing from my register (and I didn't take it). When I was unloading shipment 12 items were missing (not that I could steal 12 things anyways). My credit card is now mysteriously missing. What the hell is going on? I don't know...do you?

Date:	2005-06-05 21:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hyper

Hey guys, so lately I've just been working my ass off, sleeping, getting coffee here and there or seeing a movie/hanging out with friends...but mostly just sleeping and looking forward to spending some time with my baby. A few nights ago Jon and I, and my friend Jenna and Brian went to Outback, which was delicious as usual. I always get the "7 oz. fillet"..and oh boy it's so good. Work is killing my feet, it really is hard to stand for 8 hours and not moving around a lot...especially when I have to wear shitty shoes to work. This morning I saw a friend of mine who I haven't seen in forever Andrew coming down the esculator as I was waiting to be let into my work...We both looked at eachother and gave dirty looks/smiles then sat outside of our works (he works right across from me at Hollister) and stared at eachother in awkwardness but didn't say one word. Then he hid behind a pole, lol. In about twenty minutes Jackie and I are going to Rita's to get something bad for me which I shouldn't be eating but shhhhh... don't tell.